Gross, slimy and sticky seem to go hand-in-hand (sometimes literally) with parenthood. Guest blogger, dad and radio show host, Jeremy Padgett is experiencing more than his share.
The one thing that I’ve noticed about having kids is that everything is constantly sticky! Everything. I’m not sure where all this kid goo comes from, but somehow it magically appears on every surface in my house, car and yard.
While reaching for the bathroom door knob the other day I was greeted, at first, with something that felt slick and then halfway into the turn…boom – stuck. I hit some sort of honey substance that glued my hand directly to the knob. Once I pried my digits off, I gave it the ol’ sniff test, open and closed my fist a few times, then vigorously washed my hands twice trying to get it all off. I have no idea what this mystery substance was, but just thinking about it kinda gives me the dry heaves. YUCK!
The surface of my kitchen table is a total science experiment. At the right angle and with the correct lighting you can see a beautiful ecosystem of leftover chicken nugget finger prints complete with a peanut butter valley and the small town of Old Ranch Dressingville. Not even the strongest Lysol wipe can take on the Rorschach test that is my table. I fear we may have to burn the table when we’re finished with it.
A place that gives me great pain to see dirty is my truck. I’m a bit of a gear-head and for the years before kids, my Zen place was to retreat to the garage and detail our vehicles. They were always spotless and they smelled great! The carpets were always shampooed and the inside gleamed with Armor All. Well, as you can probably guess…not anymore. There is every substance known to man smeared all over my floor mats and seats. It took me 20 minutes to get out of my car on New Year’s Eve because I was glued to my seat. On hot days a special odor emits from somewhere deep under the back seat – remnants of spilled milk is my guess, a pungent reminder that kids now rule the roost. Luckily though, there is one positive aspect to my messy vehicle. I can rest easy knowing that if I were to ever be stranded in my vehicle during a Colorado snow storm I could survive for easily a week on half -eaten granola bars and spilled Cheerios.
I’ve had to bury many of my OCD tendencies during the transition into family life which has been a real challenge for me. Lots of deep breaths and multiple bottles of hand sanitizer are now a regular part of my world. As I write this post I just spotted my dog running by with a ham sandwich stuck to his side, and I’m not sure what’s on my keyboard but my pinky is stuck to the ppppppp pp ppppppppp pppppppppppppppppppppp.
Jeremy Padgett is a morning radio personality and executive producer for The Mix Morning Show with Dom, Emily, and Jeremy on Denver’s Mix100.3. He’s also never had a cavity. Get in touch with Jeremy on Facebook and on Twitter at @JeremyOnDaRadio or by commenting below.